A SHELL.

Is it human nature to feel like hiding from the world?
I know it’s a passing stage and one (being the cancer I am) happens at intervals for me.
its not the best or the most happy idea for me but when I feel unwanted or just a
irritation to others I just prefer to back away into my own shadow and hope no one notices.
It sounds like a good idea no? Well to my mind it is at the time ha.

It’s the enemy that tries to get me like this, and I just want to shut out the world.
I hate being in that cold zone with people, I like feeling like a family and close friends,
when its the icy friendships I feel like just retreating to my own world.
I suppose I need to see the Rom, 8:28 in everything and look through the eyes of praise
because only then can he work all these things out for me.

He must be my everything, my all in all because at the end of the day if I have no one else (
which is how it feels) I have him and that should always be enough. I think that he really is trying to hammer that one into me ha,but all joking aside I pray that I don't sink into my shell
I don't want to go back to how I used to be.

I just have to claim the full possession that is my saving grace and I know he will get me through it all. I love you Jesus.

Flavor of the month.

Ever feel like someone’s friendship with you was like Baskin Robbins 31 flavors?
Their friendship is contingent on how they feel, if they actually need your
friendship at that time and it’s convenient. Then when it’s all ok, they no longer need you
and you are as good as a leaf in the wind.

Why is it? I suppose its human nature to enjoy something when you need it, and when not
you cast it away for dead weight. I wonder if it is better to not have them,if it ends only when it is convenient. And starts when again they need the boost,not really concerned about the times you need them too.

I suppose it’s the lesson the lord has been trying to teach me that he is the only
friend I really have and can count on. Others come and go, but are always there.
To give up on friendships I think would be to admit that love is not worthwhile,
and that is something that would be just a lie.

So if you love, or have friends are friends always. Not just when it is right for you, but seek them out when they need you as well. Make their happiness paramount and strive to make a happiness contingent only on the lord and his love, then it will last no matter. And will be a true friendship.

An Idea.

Love starts with me, or you or whoever is that first person.
Many times we look for love to come to us, or wait for the passion
we think we deserve, All the while not realizing that it waits on us.
We consent only to the sacrifices we know will bring us gain,
but how is that a true sacrifice of love? It just a trade, one which
we hope will bring the happiness we seek.

How do we gain happiness, and full satisfying love? By being the one
to give it. When we act out of love not seeking any return it
is then that it finds us. The law of love is the pursuit of others happiness
and joy; their satisfaction and fullfillment.when we do this, we will find to our joyful surprise
that it has found us too. If you long for companionship, seek out someone
in need of a friend. If you need passion seek to give it to the lonely one beside you.
If you need happiness, seek to cheer up one who is sad.

By giving and living the law of love will we find the love we desire?
When we give of ourselves to fill another’s need for love it is then that we
are made whole.

A BIT'O DITTY

I may love her she thinks amiss, with passion for her beauty
that doth not demise. Though changes and occasions
may alter shape or size, it matters not though betide.

I love her where ever she may plod, in snowfall or in rain,
I think her beautiful more at the end of a long drawn out day.
Her eyes they glisten in playful abondon, as though she forever young
had supped at the fountain of life and forever in her it sprung.

I love her sly unobtrusive smile, her shy demure cute way,
I love when she make all my frowns become smiles in her own
playful way.

I love that she can make me happy with a smile, or a touch,
and err but a glance from her make most burdens become dust.
What’s best is her beauty, which she thinks she does not have,
is evident in every way no matter if she is wearing rags.

so to you I say I see only beauty, no pockmarks or blemishes
to bear in you I only see beauty inside

love in pieces.

When love is a dream unrequited, it burns like a hot iron searing to the very core,
and nothing can escape it. When I love someone, it is with abandon, not in bits or pieces.
How can you say you love someone if you love just a part, or with reservation?
We take those we love in whole, not excluding them for better friends, but treating all alike.
How can you take for granted love or a friendship? Is it so only when it is convenient to your cause or you have nothing else?

A love or a friendship is a treasure worth more than any momentary aberration of pleasure.
Much time we take for granted our friends or only pretends when we need something from them.
The rest of the time we play favorites and make our distinction known.
We pretend all is fair in friendship, love and war while at the same time playing one against the
other to gain our advantadge.is this real love or friendship? Or is it just hedging our bets so that we have what we need with the least possible strain to ourselves?

When is friendship a false front? When you are distinctly playing favorites. When you pretend to be equal but at the same time making clear who is your favorite. I hope I always love and treat all my friends with the same love and attention, because I know what it’s like to have others treat me otherwise. In saying this I do not feel angry or bitter with them, only sad I suppose at the pretense they have, they like to think it is the circle that brings in others, but in actuality they make very clear they have two. One is for the pretense and the other is a distinct line that you are not allowed into. I love my friends and family with a passion that sears me, and makes me want to do anything to make them happy. Even if many times I do not does it right hope I never lose that.

And I hope I never take for granted the love or friendship others entrust me with, it a treasure worth more than anything else. I will love those I do with a passion that fuels my life want to live each day not looking back saying’s wish I told them I loved them more, or I wish I did not hold back”. I want no regrets, no wishing I had loved more, or included others more.

Mock I if you will, call me a fool, or whatever. I have wasted much of my life in living for myself, I want to spend it loving others, and may my lover

The sacrifice of self.

Do we truly give all of ourselves? Or is it mostly out of a small portion we feel we can part with?
Is it that we truly give till it hurts, or just until it stings? I say stings because it’s that little prick where most of us stop at, the little owe so to speak.
Not the pain and real anguish that brings forth the pure gold. How would I know if something is worth giving? If I don't want to, this may seem simplistic and I am in no wise a most sacrificial person, but I desire to give my lover all. someone joked to me today that I have to stop always answering no to things,(for those who are wondering, when someone asks me something ,I allot of times jokingly say no as a standard answer. then of course I say yes afterward ha.)Because she knows I will say yes and do it anyhow after.

It made me think though how do I come off to others? Am I really contrary and annoying? Do I react unveiled most of the time? Am I hard to work with? I have come to the conclusion that yup I do believe I am all the above (any who do not believe ask my wife.)It’s my pride that ultimately gets in my way, my arm of the flesh (that accursed thing) that causes me to be the gruff, mean person. Many times I just have not surrendered to him fully right then. I have allowed my feelings anger, fustration and pride to take over.

I am not giving till it hurts; the lord wants all of my mind, body and soul, and when I am fully his you can see it on my face and body. One thing I do know is I will never give up, He means too much to me. Even if I have to grit my teeth and take the breakings, it’s worth it. In the long run I have seen that no matter how much he breaks me, he still loves me, and that makes it worthwhile.

He takes away nothing, but that he gives me back eternity. I sacrifice and he builds me a palace, I give him those I love and he fills me with a passion that rivals only the sun. He gives me anything my heart desires; in return he asks me only that I be fully his. How can I refuse? No matter the pain or cost that now in my mind seems great, I am assured will pale in comparison with the spiritual rewards he gives.

So all out there, sorry for the person I am, as I yield more to the lord and less to myself I will be someone you can be proud and happy to live with and serve the lord beside. Sorry It has taken me so long, and I am still far from the man I want to be (with the lords help), but I won't give up trying. As long as I am willing to keep fighting he will do the work. The breakings are guaranteed, I only have to yield to the remaking so that he truly lives in me.

This I desire most, that you can look at me and say"jesus lives in him “for it is not I that live but he that lives in me”. It’s a work in progress, thank you for putting up with me in the mean time. I love you, god bless you, and keep you giving. Only he can do it.ILY

True love.

What is sacrifice, or real love? By this I am talking about our love for the lord or others.
What would we do, or what lengths would we go to make others happy?
Allot we just think of ourselves, our own little world or happiness. What’s good for me?
What makes me happy and secure?
Needless to say actually none of that matters, it’s how we strive to give of ourselves to others
or the lord that does. many times if we feel the world is not revolving around us we are in
a tizzy thinking"whats wrong"ha.this to me is the beauty and wonderful truth of the law of love and the one wife, that we are to constantly be thinking of ways to make others happy .
Not that I am wonderful at this but I think we are lacking this allot (this includes me.)
If we share the love we want or have we get more in return.try it you may be pleasantly surprised

A HAPPY DITTY.

Let’s be happy for the love we have, and rejoice in the freedom of love.
I would rather be called a cassanova, than a spinster any day.
I would rather love freely and be loved, than hide it all away.
"give me freedom or give me death “the patriot once cried,
so here I say give me love, or let me live not at all
lets love and be loved as much as our earthly hearts can hold,
and worry not how the scribe or Pharisee behold.
So give me a world gone crazy, drunk on Christ’s pure love,
and let’s enjoy him and each other for until infinity comes.

guess who this is too!

When we fall, is so we can rise again stronger. The same goes throughout our lives for Christ.
I love, and feel the hurt so that I may know how Christ feels when he wants me and I am not there.
I feel desire and lack, so I may know that he needs me to make him happy as well.

I feel the ache of not being able to love someone as much as I want, so that I may know how Christ feels about me. I understand the joy that comes from a simple smile or caress from one I love and desire, so that I may know the fulfillment Christ feels when we yield all to him.

I feel the loss when I can't show my love. The same way he feels when I am too busy for him.
I feel the ecstasy at a simple kiss, so I can understand more his desire for me.
I feel the loneliness when she is not there, so I understand how he feels when I am too
busy for him.

Every time we kiss I want so much more, and herein I understand his unquenchable desire for me. I see the beauty and perfection she thinks amiss. So here I understand how he loves me inspire.
When I see her, I see only beauty, and desire her all the more. So here I understand his love which is endless no matter how I fail.
I love to love her and enjoy her cuddles and embrace, her kiss so soft and sublime. So here
I know my savior desires me and needs my love in kind.
I remember every trace of her body and the soft skin so smooth, like chocolate I can never get enough even if every day I partook. So I thank you lord for this love that teaches and helps me grow. I only ask dear lord that I can show my love to her a few times more.

She is in truth quite a beauty, and fair beyond compare and her sweetness is enough, to make her a favorite above any other lass fair.
I know this is how you feel for me, and I thank you for your love. Let me treasure it forever and let no other be above. Help me to love her with a pure and sincere heart as I thank you for letting me love her in my humble, bumbling way.

thank you for her and bless her each day, help her not to see me insincere if upon her too much praise I heap, in truth it’s all sincere and I mean it every word, the same as you my love me beyond even my words.

Positive thinking anyone?

Is the saying true "if you try to be nice you finish last"? Not that in any way I classify as the
'good, sweet guy", in fact I was informed today that actually I am the overtly rotund, insincere
mean guy ha.but even as such at odd points in time I try to nice(rare as they may be.) and usually it seems that it gets me in the further outskirts of popularity.
I suppose that because if I am nice people take it as a granted that I will always be and if I have a rough day, suddenly I am a despot with the body of a Buddha.

I wish I could be one of the easy going, never flare, happy all the time, all around peachy guys.
witch one of the guys in my home is.becuase it seems(perhaps I am amiss.) that no matter
what they do or say good or bad they get what they want, and are so much more the popular for it.

I know all you say "hey you should not compare or strive to be popular”. well perhaps, but how would you feel if you try your best to be sweet, kind loving as much as you can ,positive etc, but
what it comes down to is not all that but how "fun" you are.

It can be depressing at times, and lord help me I am horrible as far as comparing goes. I see so many faults physical and spiritual it hard to see the positive and for me the temptation
for being depressed is high and I battle it allot.
I like to think I have a very thick skin and nothing people say hurts me,
especially the cracks and joke etc about me that abound.
I suppose I should I hear them allot but still it affects me,i guess I care to much about how others see me or I am too worried that I have hurt someone that it always seems to be in the
forefront of my mind.

I guess I just should accept the fact I am a bit odd(ok well maybe allot),
and not as good looking or charming as I would like and just pray that the lord helps me
the rest of the way. It got to be him; he is the only thing likable in me ha.
Anyhow all this to paraphrase that I need him. I am a screwed up, (as by bro-in-law André says)
a funny looker, irritating and all the rest, but... I have the lord and he is going to do it.

so hey it’s never as bad as it looks, or feels ha.so the lord will take care of it all if I let him witch I am working on as it be.
I love you all (even those of you who feel it’s you life’s duty to come up with jokes about me) and I wish you the contentment I seek. Good night and good luck with all my love.

enough?

When is kiss not enough?
When you want 100 more, when is a caress antagonizing?
When you always want more.
When is a touch painful?
When you dream of that soft touch.

When is a smile more than a beautiful gesture?
When you look forward to it each day.
When is a breath a feeling?
When you feel a shiver of excitement,
and peace as a loved one’s lips breath softly
on your flesh.

When is a look a weapon?
When you melt, or dispair, rejoice or
feel love in another’s eyes.
When is love mean?
Only when you cannot love someone enough.

So treasure the love you can,
and I will hope for what I have not.
And maybe soon I will get lucky,
and get to love

thought..

I miss the touch, the sweet and tender kiss that riles, and stirs my emotions.
I miss the smile that lights up my day, and brings the rainbows
to chase the clouds away.

I miss the gentle reproach, and mischievous gleam within your eyes,
that lets me know you care, and notice as I pass by.
I miss your embrace that lets me feel secure and hopeful,
even if my day is rough and unsure.

In many ways you make my day seem brighter,
whatever mood I am in and your sweet and loving demeanor
make my worries and cares seem thin.

You are what I call lovely in each and every way.
And so I am thankful beyond measure that I see you every day.
And those days I don't seem gloomier, and a bit more morose,
so I will say thanks dear lord that you are here for most.

You are my praise time subject, in many, many ways.
Because there are so many things about you that for sure
require praise. So all this to say I love you, and please never stay away long
because I will miss you too much and my face will no doubt grow long.

DMG..

A GIFT OF LOVE.

What can I give the one who has everything? by this I am speaking of my lover and best friend,
I need him more each day that passes as each trial becomes greater, and my desire to feel
love in a personal touch more accute.those who I love the most, dismiss me as a exaggeration
of a overgrown adolescent feeling. Perhaps I am too naive to think simplistic love is what god gave
us to share, because it seems everyone wants and tries to make it more complex.

I always believed that to love another person, man or woman was a simply feeling, Godly and right. It seems to see the best in people and to believe in the beauty you see in them or the love you have for them, is an exaggeration or untruth. but if we spout the evil we see in others or there faults its o.k. would rather, as the mad don Quixote said to live in a world of ludicricy if it means I see only the good beautiful things in others, rather than be a "realist" and see only the flaws. I would rather love fiercely and with simply abandon, than always suppress it and spend my time
trying to figure out the intricacies and pitfalls of it.

Give me the simplistic love of Christ any day, give me the wild abandon and free spirit of the Cathars, rather than the logical, analytical whys and wherefores that get in the way of closeness in body and spirit with those we love and live with.
we are so hung up on the why not’s, or the reasons why we can that we spend life missing out on the fun and freedoms the lord has entrusted to us, mostly because we are to afraid to just do it.
Or our pride or carnal mind gets in the way.

I want to be free, free from the hangs ups, free to love with abandon, free to be simple and se the good and lovely. I want to live the love and simplicity of Christ like Saint Francis, he saw the beauty in all around him, and that’s all I want to see as well. I know the bleakness, the flaws, I have so many I can't count them all, and that why I thank the lord he sees the good and keeps picking me up as I fall again ,and again. I don't care if you think I exaggerate your good sides,
guess what? That’s really how I see it and I won't change that outlook, I have been the other way too long I want to see the good in others the beauty, and praise the lord for it.
I am simple,dumb,a jackass,weak,carnal andworldly and a whole lot of other things but..
the lord still loves me,and that’s why I am saying to all you out there....see others as I know the lord see them, he knows all the flaws; but he chooses to dwell on the beauty.
My gift to the lord this month... (In addition to the fasting) I want to give him all my cover ups, my worldly outlooks, my analytic mind.

In return I ask only he give me the simple, pure love only he can, and a real freedom in my life to share this love with others. Give me lover, the ability to love without boundries, to share without holding back, and see well where there seems to be none.
Help me to be free of anger, fustration and hurt. Give me faith, love and closeness to you in its place. Help me to love others without expecting recompense and to be only a vessel of your love.

Help me to trust you for those I love, and trust for those I love and want to be close to,
even if I can't or they don't believe me.
Let me trust even when I don't see, and give praise no matter the circumstance.
Help me to trust you for the love and touch I desire, and seek you first because you are
my one true lover even when all others have gone or are too busy.
Thank you for the gift of making me simple.