hidden beauty.

There is a beauty so soft and sublime, like tender wispy snow, neither loud nor boastful; it is a silent testament to the pure and inspired. I have seen this once before within my saviors tender eyes and though it but a myth to find in any under earthly skys.but now and again I see glimpses in a smile on the face of those around me filled with bliss and tender loves embrace.

I find that now I see more each day traces of this beauty in each and every way.
Mostly now I notice the parts each one around me has that emanate this pure beauty; in the light of their smile, the soft kiss of caring, and the silent deeds that go unnoticed that make our lives worth the fight.

I suppose that many times I was searching for perfection instead of being thankful and realizing the bits of this beauty that permeated my life, and thanking and loving those around me for their yieldedness to being vessels full of this love.
Each person we live with has the capacity to fully emanate the full beauty and love of the spirit but many times it comes to naught because those around them fail to see and encourage it, or coax it out of them.
Maybe it’s because we get dulled to the life around us and no longer see the "color “that is all around us, in those we see every day. We allow the irritations or little faults take away from the beauty inside each person.
That pure beauty which comes from our husband is inside those around you for they are him, and he dwells within them. So let’s see in them the beauty we see in Christ and they will blossom and become more beautiful each day as we live and love together in the beauty of our husband and lover.

the potter

Lord break me and make me anew,in likeness of a sweet and broken soul fully yielded to you. this is what I want more than anything else and sometimes I don't know how to find my way. I ask you to continue to melt me so that when i am remade it is in your model and not mine or what I think I have to be in order to please you.
I desire a meek spirit, one in witch you fully dwell .Continue to strip me of the garment of pride so I can wear the light of your truth and stand bare of all coverings of my own righteousness.I need to be loved by you ;to be made completely yours for only in this can I continue on,I am nothing without you.
As this new year dawns let me step into it as a vessel filled with your spirit within;a shell that you can use.i want to be free of the chains of old habits and confines,I want to be fully free to love you and others.Let me be free in your spirit and live my life to the full for you enjoying every breath and new excitement or change from you to the full.

fill me now and make me your so that I can be a servant of love to others,and let your love pour overflow and change me.Let me be a vessel fully yielded to the master exhibiting the fruits of your spirit.I am nothing and my faults many so I know that it can only be by your work and love that I can me made whole,I am a failure by in you I find my victory.

Its a wonderful life.

"A little bit of love goes a long way" as the saying goes and I am here to tell you that this is true.I think that it means so much to feel even a little bit each day. I changes your life and those around you for the better.no matter the time of day or how discouraged I am that little affection makes it worth it. many times I think I probably forget to show the attention or love to others that I myself need.funny how many times the thing we need and lack the most is the thing you forget to be proactive in,I live with people with amazing love for others and and I can learn so much.I think that the human physical affection really is the greatest gift the lord ever gave.

Ever wonder why?

Ever wonder why the cacoon? couldn't the butterfly just grow the wings? well I am finding out why.the trials make us strong(no,not beautiful in my case)the new challenges that await me are helping me to re-invent myself.Its hard and not pleasant and many time I feel alone but I know that its the lord helping me to grow wings.He really is knocking out my supports so that I only have him to stand on,he taken me away from friends,lovers,and my security zone to push me out of the nest into the soring winds so I can glide only on his supporting wind.Its odd to feel kinda outside the accepted group looking in,or "the new kid" so to speak but no matter how unstable I am he will not let me fall.these last years have been the fire I though but now I know he was trying me to see If I would love him even if I lost the rest.he has raised up marieanne in ways I never thought possible, and I thank him for that.He took away my giddy bride of youth, and brought her back a queen.I thank the lord for his work in her even if it has come at a price for me I would pay it gladly again.It may never be the same between us but I think that was his plan to make us love him more.I thank you lord that you are helping me to fly, and I praise you for the harsh wind that helps me to soar. I thank you for the love you have taken away so that I might learn the beauty of you love and desire you more. help me to praise you for the fire so I can know the passion of your love.give me the strength to come to you when I feel alone and trust you for the physical.through him I can learn the value of triumph made sweet by fierce battle and love him more for making me cry the tears of joy and victory.

Nice Idea?

if you r like me you look forward to affection,sex, love etc right? Now I hear all you out there saying"of course,your a guy". or "what a dumb question?'well what if you had to do without it and that was that?Not in a bad way but just that was life,is it right to just accept it and learn to live with it?
I suppose it selfish to think that we deserve any of these things,and just be happy for what comes our way. but I have to in all honesty say its hard(not in the way you are thinking.)but with anyone of these my life brightens and my whole week it seems is roses ha.needless to say I am affected by it for the good, so I have to admit to struggling at times without it. In saying that it has also given me the beautiful gift of intimacy with the lord in a way I had not experienced.but I can do without alot and I take life's hills,bump and bruises and trust my lord for it, but this has been my greatest battle,at times its has come and gone but those moments where few and between and I thank the lord for them.with this new situation and the many things it brings in the ways of new challenges or battles, making new friends and new opportunities,I really treasure the reassurance and affection of those new around me even more.and hey I am a guy so right of course I wish I could have sex but I will settle for the love and cuddles or kisses that mean so much in the way of helping me know I can make it.

A new beginning.

I am sitting here,thinking (perchance to deeply) about what it means to start over.Oh there are the old tried examples of new friends,homes ministries etc, but really all that means nothing.I face my old self and what I was with what I want to become and many times it seems to be too much.It hurts more than the loves or friends left behind because really there where not many.I had alot of aquantences but few friends,at least those who I could share or confide in. Many times over this last year I have truly felt alone.I have fought and will keep fighting to be the best I can, even though it seems doomed at times I know that in the end my lord and love will carry me.Its hard to live life without the love and affection you crave... but I suppose in the end it makes you stronger. Hopefully because I have learned to be closer in love with my lord.even if I forget for a time he has always come through.The hard part is never opening your heart or life up to others because you don't want to have the pain of doing without that friendship or affection once you've had it so I suppose it is just easier to play your feeling closer to your vest.I suppose that for me makes moving difficult,its hard for me to get close to people because of how I am( aka irritating ,annoying, grumpy ha)and if you met me you would think I am a confident person but most of the time I force myself to be because I really want that friendship and affection from others but its so hard to do.And then I move and start over the process again,All the people I live with are wonderful in so many ways,steve happy,lively,fun and a joy to be around.Abi,sweet,sincere,beautiful,down to earth,fun, and full of life with a smile that lights your life. Simon, quiet with a heart of love and a good and true friend.laila,passionate,alive full of love and a artist with a dreamers heart. and my Italian mama who embodies all the good traits of a loving matriarch.And Peter and Mary who the only thing I will say is I hope that when I have lived and loved as much as they;that I am as full of life and the true spirit of the family as they are.So tell me, how can one not find what he seeks when surrounded by these? I Suppose i will ask the lord to change me,and pray for this change to remake me once more and grow closer to those around me without the fear of hurt, and trust him for the rest.