The sacrifice of self.

Do we truly give all of ourselves? Or is it mostly out of a small portion we feel we can part with?
Is it that we truly give till it hurts, or just until it stings? I say stings because it’s that little prick where most of us stop at, the little owe so to speak.
Not the pain and real anguish that brings forth the pure gold. How would I know if something is worth giving? If I don't want to, this may seem simplistic and I am in no wise a most sacrificial person, but I desire to give my lover all. someone joked to me today that I have to stop always answering no to things,(for those who are wondering, when someone asks me something ,I allot of times jokingly say no as a standard answer. then of course I say yes afterward ha.)Because she knows I will say yes and do it anyhow after.

It made me think though how do I come off to others? Am I really contrary and annoying? Do I react unveiled most of the time? Am I hard to work with? I have come to the conclusion that yup I do believe I am all the above (any who do not believe ask my wife.)It’s my pride that ultimately gets in my way, my arm of the flesh (that accursed thing) that causes me to be the gruff, mean person. Many times I just have not surrendered to him fully right then. I have allowed my feelings anger, fustration and pride to take over.

I am not giving till it hurts; the lord wants all of my mind, body and soul, and when I am fully his you can see it on my face and body. One thing I do know is I will never give up, He means too much to me. Even if I have to grit my teeth and take the breakings, it’s worth it. In the long run I have seen that no matter how much he breaks me, he still loves me, and that makes it worthwhile.

He takes away nothing, but that he gives me back eternity. I sacrifice and he builds me a palace, I give him those I love and he fills me with a passion that rivals only the sun. He gives me anything my heart desires; in return he asks me only that I be fully his. How can I refuse? No matter the pain or cost that now in my mind seems great, I am assured will pale in comparison with the spiritual rewards he gives.

So all out there, sorry for the person I am, as I yield more to the lord and less to myself I will be someone you can be proud and happy to live with and serve the lord beside. Sorry It has taken me so long, and I am still far from the man I want to be (with the lords help), but I won't give up trying. As long as I am willing to keep fighting he will do the work. The breakings are guaranteed, I only have to yield to the remaking so that he truly lives in me.

This I desire most, that you can look at me and say"jesus lives in him “for it is not I that live but he that lives in me”. It’s a work in progress, thank you for putting up with me in the mean time. I love you, god bless you, and keep you giving. Only he can do it.ILY