abi

ramblings.

As a cancer I suppose i am prone to the moodiness that ails my sign,
but tell if you will how to judge a friend?someone you are close tolove and care for right?
well in accordance how do you judge if they see you as a friend,or rather a means to a end?
do you judge it by how they act when they need you or in a good mood? or rather when they
seem to play a game?

I a not one for games I supose,perchance I am a little too simple;I am not good at the
"drama".I suppose I should be,but I am more just either I like and love you or I don't.
And I wish it was the same with other.I don't like guessing at peoples love so I think its safer
to just be a bit more reclusive.plus I don't like the prospect of getting hurt so I wonder if it is
safer to recluse?

simple love is the best,and more understandable for me ha. so if you are going to be a friend,give them your all,all your loveyour affection, understanding etc.
If you hold back ,or play a game, it only hurts.

enigma.

I have a friend, sweet, soft and kind. Yet prickly as a porkupine and holds you at bay while
drawing you in. Irresistible as fine chocolate yet is not to be tasted. The perfect frustration of nature,
she is the fair beauty in a high tower beckoning to come all the while knowing the face to sheer to climb.
The most beautiful rose that pricks the hand, is like Juliet holding all at bay.
I sense the only enigma is that of if she actually loves or only gives the fleeting glimpse.
like a riddle that can never be solved or a rhyme not to be deciphered ,I suppose the irritation is just for I suppose neither am I,Tis pity I suppose that that she passes but my way knowing that the glimpse I get is sufficient for my station.

Above me I suppose she is, as I wonder in disbelief I suppose also she is an addiction, perchance a compulsion of sorts that she is amused at seeing.

I admit I am just foolish to try and figure it out; a mason and a workman’s brain are all I will ever flout. Hers is an enigma worthy of Pliny or Plato too I am neither so I will content myself in the belief that she is a wonder of creations finest, that I will have to wait to understand.
Be it not in this life but the next.

words.

I think I hurt a dearest friend to day with something i said in foolish truth.
many time someone asks us something and you answer sincerily and it hurts them inadvertantly.
I never want to hurt any of my friends and especially this one.
I suppose I should not say the truth sometimes,what do you think?

I wish I could not be as stupid with my words,as I seem to be.
anything that hurts someone you love ,even if said from the heart,honestly,
without malice,if it hurts them it must be wrong.
I suppose this is putting yourself in there shoes,witch looking at it now I see
why it hurt.I hope my friend forgives me for the twit that I am.
I love them allot and never meant for it to hurt.
I suppose thats one of those times when someone asks you something you
look for a alternate answer ha.

I hope you don't make the same mistake I did,"the words of a friend,be they just or true,
spoken not in turn,are a deeper cut than most"HWL.
put a watch before my mouth oh lord and keep the door of my lips.
So this to say to you I am sorry,I hope you can forgive and still love me.

quiet pain.

Sometimes the greatest statement of feeling is silence.
its hurts too much to say what I feel,loss,anger,sadness,pain.
I cannot express the gloom I feel,the depths of loss.

I short ,the quiet pain I feel cannot be silenced.
the loss not recompensed ever,pray for me.
I cry inside and there is no stopping.lord suffice me.

the court jester.

I am tired of being a jester, a fool who does not want to
gain mocks, or laughed at all the way from his socks.
I wear no dainty jerkin or frock, so why do you treat me like a flock?
Am I a goose or grim? Or the woman in the shoe?
I think not, so why mock?

Is it perhaps that they see, a wall, or stone hedge in the fall?
Those who pass feel they must, batter me amuck.
I suppose I am destined to be mocked, for I look like the rock.
Those who see me feel they must, or they will run out of luck.
It has to be I suppose because of the trough of peoples hurtful prose,
who think they have new hurtful wink. But in truth they are all the
same in a non-imaginative vein.


It is my own stupidity that is to blame, for I like an ox
stumble about hampered by my own mass, which is allot.
I should be thankful for all my lord has given me,
even though I feel most times as useful as a tree.

I know he has made me thus, thick of sinew and bone,
but sometimes I wish my head was not a stone.
My writing is not pretty but each stroke comes from my heart,
and my words are not flowing, but they are sincere in every part.
I cannot jest and trade words with a swift and nimble tongue,
but I can praise or appreciate at each opportunity
with a keen and honest rung.

So hey I may be on ox, or bigger than an airplane box.
When I spin the world turns on axel, and tilts from side to side.
My handwriting is chicken scratch and my wit causes whiplash.
so jest away and have a laugh, and if you feel the need to bounce,
a jest or sharp remark to make your self have glee, well then I
am your man I guess, a bigger target than the rest.

how dreary to you like a bog that you must have fun at others
expense and use it as a log, to hoist yourself a little higher
and self proclaim your rep a little brighter. So I may be a dunce,
or a munce, hunce, or lunk but what are you I wonder
than you stand there calling me a dunderd?

I think it better to be a hulk, or bigger than a vault, than
to cut another down and leave him with a frown.
What if his day you just made, more miserable this way?
Would you like in turn, by another’s words be burned?
I think that you would not, so together lets share this thought,
to be loving in the ways we can, and seek others
reps to fan.
So that than we will have a blaze of true love in every way,
let’s appreciate the good and not forget god’s word,
where he tells his first command to love god as much we can,
then to others we should treat, with as much love as there
is sand, or pennies in a grand.

so before any more I delve, let’s just stop this here and tell,
let all your words be sweet and when in heaven we meet,
there will be no regrets, or words said foolishly in sets.
Only loving remarks to fill, all Christ children’s hearts with good will

A SHELL.

Is it human nature to feel like hiding from the world?
I know it’s a passing stage and one (being the cancer I am) happens at intervals for me.
its not the best or the most happy idea for me but when I feel unwanted or just a
irritation to others I just prefer to back away into my own shadow and hope no one notices.
It sounds like a good idea no? Well to my mind it is at the time ha.

It’s the enemy that tries to get me like this, and I just want to shut out the world.
I hate being in that cold zone with people, I like feeling like a family and close friends,
when its the icy friendships I feel like just retreating to my own world.
I suppose I need to see the Rom, 8:28 in everything and look through the eyes of praise
because only then can he work all these things out for me.

He must be my everything, my all in all because at the end of the day if I have no one else (
which is how it feels) I have him and that should always be enough. I think that he really is trying to hammer that one into me ha,but all joking aside I pray that I don't sink into my shell
I don't want to go back to how I used to be.

I just have to claim the full possession that is my saving grace and I know he will get me through it all. I love you Jesus.